The Big Day!

So last Friday was the big day! Eight hours of presentations while all ten groups gave not-so-brief overviews of their magazine proposals, including cover, content, business model, advertising plans, website, facebook, twitter feed, etc. And these are all projects that we put together in only three weeks. Wowzers. A lot of them were very strong overall, and there were some elements of specific pitches that were really genius. But there could be only three winners (apparently), and my magazine was unfortunately not among them. We were told by the judges that they loved our funny content, but they couldn't see how we were going to make any money through advertising. "Perhaps," they suggested, "this would be a great product to launch as a stand-alone book." (Ironic, considering the next section of the course is one labeled - "book publishing.") But this time around, it was all about magazines, so we were sorta forced by the definition of the course to work on a magazine.

However, I am very excited to get to the book section. Book publishing has been my main focus and interest since I first thought of this career change, so I'm looking forward to meeting the people for this second section. Also, I've been assigned the role of publisher for our next set of group projects, which I think is going to be an excellent thing to talk about in my future cover letters for job applications. The publisher is essentially the book company's executive producer, in charge of making sure that all of the teams work together and all the pieces come together in the end. I'm also pretty sure that the publisher is the major spokesperson for the brand, so I think I'll be doing a lot of presenting in front of people. I'll have to balance this project workload with the job hunting and networking that I need to do while I'm here, in order to stay in NYC after the program is over.

But putting aside anything like that, and on a material-for-future-posts note, I'm seeing X-Men: First Class tonight. A review will follow in the next few days.

(The Night Before) The Big Day

It's hard to believe that I've been here for three weeks already. Three weeks of lectures, classes, stress, homework, and projects. And I feel a little behind the eight-ball that I've only applied for two jobs, but the book section is coming up next, and I'm ready to dive into that one full-tilt. These first three magazine weeks have been a warm-up for the program that I'm really interested in, and it makes me wonder what the curriculum is like at the University of Denver. I have actually really enjoyed working on this pseudo-magazine launch, and after our project got the green light for launch at the end of the first week, it has been an interesting ride.

For the launch, I worked as the advertising sales director, which meant that I was in charge of figuring out how we were going to get companies to buy advertisements in our magazine. We're doing a magazine that makes it a little hard for those sorts of things, but we came up with some good angles and some good sales pitches, and I feel confident about my part in the magazine. And even more than that, I'm really excited about our overall product. We had some amazingly talented people working on this project, and I am literally awed by some of their talent.

Anyway, we present our work to the panel of judges tomorrow, and they will be evaluating our project based on the reports we turn in and our answers to their questions. There are prizes given out, awards to be issued, but I don't think that any of them come with big cash advances or job offers. Sadly. But I will try to post another entry tomorrow after the presentation day and before I go to see "X-Men: First Class" this weekend. And you better believe that I'll be blogging about that one!

Week Two, although a little late

This posting comes in a few days late, as we ended our second week of classes up here last week. And during a media talk last week, essentially a big networking event for the students to meet as many industry professionals as we could, one of our industry advisers made a comment that filled me both with hope and anxiety. He said that every one of us will have a job within a year, maybe a year and a half. But the challenge is to find the job that we will enjoy. That is the sort of thing that makes me feel a little better about what I'm doing right now. After all, he's the one who has been speaking to the program for six years, so he is in a good position to speak to the graduation rates.

I go back and forth on how I feel about ending this program and entering the work force. Some days, I am completely psyched up and chomping at the bit to apply for jobs at book publishers and rock out the job as an editorial assistant. And on other days, I'm hit with waves of panic about being 30 and trying to break into a completely new industry where I have little experience and only very loose connections. And in moments like that, I wonder if I made a mistake by leaving my city and abandoning my career. When the panic from these moments subsides, I try to reexamine the decisions that led me to this point. Do I wish I could go back to my former life? In some ways, yes. But do I have faith that my new life is going to be more satisfying? In many ways, yes. And that faith is the scariest part, since I have no actual evidence that things will be any different on the other side of this program. All I can do is do the best I can, and have faith that things will work out in my favor. I try to maintain that confidence, and it is only in small ways that I lose that faith.

So I remember to breathe, I listen to the music from Superman, and I try to make the next day even more productive. I have faith, and I have confidence, and I'll bring them both forward with me. One step at a time.

Week One

Okay, so I know that I am a few days to really make this one even seem to be "on time," but this last weekend marked the end of my first week in New York City at NYU. And I do apologize for that. Lots of exciting, terrible, and frustrating things have been going on, but one thing is for sure: it's been one heck of a busy week. Monday and Tuesday were easily 13 hour days, and I felt as if I wasn't going to have any time for anything other than class, work, and sleep. But after the crazy schedules calmed down a bit (and we got our final project approved by our course administrator), those days shortened to only 11 hours and we managed to find time to enjoy the city and find some drinking spots near our dorm. And we found a lot of drinking spots.

Our typical day involves getting down to our school building around 8:30 or 9am, and then we sit in panel discussions and hear lecture presentations until 5pm. Then we are expected to work in our 10-person groups on our group project, preparing to launch a new magazine upon the unsuspecting world. We went through about a dozen ideas before one of them was approved by our instructor, and we were sorta at our wit's end when it came to ideas. A half-assed joke turned into a full-fledged idea, and now we're working out way through the business plan and the advertising strategy for a bi-monthly magazine. We've been challenged so far by the assignments, and our judges for the presentations have been a whole slew of industry professionals. We've met some people who are literally rock stars in their profession, and they have been very willing to "open their brains" to us and give us all the advice that we can ask for. It's been a lot of fun to work on this project, but it has also been a lot of work.

In the coming weeks, I'll try to keep the postings up-to-date. I'll also try to get some New York photos to share with those playing along at home. They are keeping us quite busy here; so much so that even when we have a night with nothing due the next day, we're all sitting at our computers wondering if there is something else we are supposed to be doing. It's a sickness.

Looking and Moving Forward, but Peeking Back

A week from now, I will be finished with two days of class at NYU. I'm working on my pre-program research assignments (i.e. homework) right now, wishing I had started writing these answers two weeks ago. But until Doc Brown comes through, it's impossible to change the past. But unfortunately, our brains are only set up to look into the past. We haven't yet mastered the art of looking into future, and, as you all know, my name is not Ms. Cleo.

I am very excited about many aspects of going to NYU. I know that I can pull my weight in an academic setting, I'm excited to live in New York City fox six weeks*, and I am excited to take a bold first step on a new journey in my life. The idea of this career change is also an exciting on, as I was not interested in my old career any longer. When it came to acting, I was slacking off too much and not taking steps to ensure my own success; I was setting myself

But there are many aspects about going to NYU that scare me, or at least fill me with apprehension. For the first time since 2003 at Hedgerow Theatre, I will actually be living in the same room as another student.** I'm a tough cookie who can handle anything for six weeks, but this is certainly a wrinkle in the plan. Then of course, I have to finish my homework before the course starts, and it's lack-of-completion freaks me out. (I have no right to complain; I'm the one who has been putting it off.) I'm also concerned that I will spend a lot of money for this education, and then I won't be able to find a job in the field. That at the end of this experience I will be right back where I am now, temping at a series of disappointing jobs.

But I know I'm smarter than that.*** Even if the New York publishing job doesn't come through right as the program is complete, hopefully NYU or my temp agency will be able to help me find something satisfying as well as lucrative. My future after the program is perhaps the biggest source of anxiety for me; I'm very excited to see what is in the future come mid-July, but I'm also very worried that there won't be anything there at all. I need to stop, breathe, and have more confidence in myself.

It is at times like this when I find myself falling into Doc Brown's white wig and lab coat, and trying not to wish about the job I didn't get in Philadelphia. I would like the stability, the money, the security, but I'm looking forward to working in NYC instead of Philly. I would really like to work in the big city, at DC Comics or elsewhere, and I'm reminding myself that the first step is often the scariest. Especially when you're not entirely sure where the road leads.

But I've taken enough time writing this blog (i.e. avoiding my homework), so I'm going to finish my endnotes for this entry and then head back to work. Rest assured that you'll be hearing from an over-stressed me again this week.

*- perhaps, and hopefully, much longer after completion of the program

** - the other program I applied for guaranteed single-occupancy rooms

**** - Statistically speaking...

Irony. It can be pretty ironic sometimes.

As I try to move into another career, I am still hooked into my old one. Most of my friends are actors (or at the very least directors and writers), so I'm still very much plugged into the performing world. As a result, I am still on the books for my agent, and I've had a crazy amount of auditions in the last few weeks. Sometimes I would go for weeks or weeks without any auditions, and suddenly I found myself having more than one a week. Two friends have given me the names of their agents, or the casting director that just got them a great gig, and they told me to drop their names when I sent in my headshot. I, of course, hesitated and resisted for a few days before getting my acting materials in order and shipping them on their merry digital way.

I know what you're thinking... "He's not quitting! I knew he couldn't stay away! I was right all along! Damn that Nick is sexy! He loves acting too much to leave!" And you are right, all of you. Especially random voice number four. But as a very good friend recently said, "I'm tired of acting for money that I need." If the acting becomes a sideline career, all for the best. And if I book so much full-time (i.e. full-pay) acting work that I just never get the chance to work for a publishing house, then that is the cross I am willing to bear. It would be ironic, though, if the success I've always looked for comes my way because of my retirement.

Of course, I haven't booked any of my auditions, (although I came really close on one of them), so I'm not thinking of this as a sign from above. But at the moment, acting is one of the few things that I am legitimately qualified to do, and so it seems silly to turn my back on it completely. And if irony holds true, maybe I'll hold myself over as an actor until I find something new. That would be ironic, indeed.

My Mental Issues

There is an expression about standing in the way of your own success. I'm sure that a little Internet searching can reveal a few more details about the specific quote I'm remembering, but the idea is one that isn't connected to one quotation alone. And while I do not exactly think that I am literally standing in the way of my own success, I do think that I have certain mental issues that make things much harder on myself than they need to be. I would like to drop some of these terrible habits. I think I would have a much happier life if could shut off my brain at certain moments and just relax more. But instead, I think far too much and don't take care of myself.

Case in point:
I spent six weeks being considered for a job in the early part of this year. As I shared in a blog post in February, I did not get the job. But I did spend those six weeks hoping and wishing for the job. I talked about what I would do in the job, and I even talked about the things I was doing in case I didn't get it. Of course, I did not do any of the things I had been planning to do, and so when the job offer did not come, I felt like I was left up the creek without a paddle. And the only person responsible was me, since I had willingly thrown the paddle into the river.

Another case in point:
I am a well-educated, articulate person. I have a variety of work experience, with different interests that span disciplines, and I work very well both on my own and in a team. However, I am at heart a very insecure person. One moment is enough to throw my whole universe out of whack. One lost job that I thought was in the bank. One stray comment after a night of drinking. One facebook status change that seems to contain a hidden message, one rejected job application, one perfect plan that falls though last minute, and I'm suddenly a quivering mess of self-dout. One moment calls everything else into question, and I'm left grinding my jaw and developing ulcers.

What I am doing:
Billboards everywhere are saying that "Self worth beats net worth." I have been trying to keep things in perspective, and I've been trying to remember that life is long and there are no checkpoints along the way. The only pressure on me is the pressure that I put on myself. To that end, I have been trying to put less pressure on myself. I often compare myself to other people, either in their career, their finance, their relationship, and I never think that I match up. I've been trying not to do that, but it's not easy to stop. So instead, I try to remember that other people compare themselves to me. Or that I can compare myself to others and come out on top.

What I need to do:
Somehow, I need to figure out how to be much happier with myself. I have been talking about finding a new hobby tha I can put some time into, something solitary unlike radio production. I've been looking into things like yoga or tai chi, and I do know that my NYC dorm is outfitted with a gym. I plan to dedicate some time to the gym on a regular basis, trying to generate some healthy habits. Because as far as I can tell, worrying is not a healthy habit.